Somebody please help me,

I can't seem to do anything for myself. I am unmovtivated, unattractive, and lazy. I am so lonely it hurts me physically. My depression seems to have full hold of me. Why can't I escape? I feel I have so much potental but it's just being wasted because I'm lazy. And not to mention I'm scared of any kind of rejection. I need help in the worst way, yet I cannot seem to make myself seek it out. What the fuck?!

Short Story.

I wrote this a couple years ago for a writing assignment in English. I had a large influence from The Boondock Saints in case you couldn't tell =]

 Sean was a gun slinging Irish man who loved to serve out his very own brand of truth and justice.

One chilly and foggy November night, he was out looking for a man who was said to have connections with the drug lord Tommy Fontaine. He walked a mile across town into a shabby looking pub to meet with the connection. He sits down at a quiet booth in the back of the bar with the man and they start talking about Tommy.
  
"First off what's your name?" Sean spoke in the voice of a seasoned killer.

"I'm Kevin. That's all you need to know." The scrawny man spoke softly but very fast.
"Listen," the man continued " I have all the info you would ever need to take this creep Fontaine down, He lives on the east side of town at 578 east Freemont. On Fridays he goes golfing at the ‘North shores country club’ and after that he heads down to the docks to do business with his clients-"

The man rambles on, but Sean listens intently to Kevin’s words, remembering them precisely. Sean then gets up and thanks Kevin by blowing a hole threw Kevin’s’ head. Sean pays no attention to the people running out of the bar screaming, for he has a bigger job to do. Sean walks coolly along the sidewalk until he reaches the Fontaine residents. Seeing 5 cars around the house Sean decides to put the silencer on his gun so he can kill but remain silent as possible. He sneaks in through an unlocked window, and into a room where one of Tommys henchmen has just entered. The man lets out a startled "Hey!" to the surprise appearance of his killer, but nothing else. The man drops to the floor with a dull but vibrant thud. Sean knows somebody must have heard it. Keeping silent he crosses the threshold and pulls the mans body in more. Behind the door he waits and sure enough a second man comes in. Sean grabs the man from behind and shoves a long Rambo blade into the mans ribs, possibly puncturing a lung. He slowly helps the man fall to the floor where he proceeds to drown in his own blood. Outside of the room he hears no more then 5 men talking about a cocaine shipment they just received.

"I can take 'em." He whispers to himself as he loads the guns.

1..2..3 he jumps out from the room and proceeds to kill the men, when all are dead except Tommy he kills him particularly slowly. Fontaine emits a gruesome gasp when Sean finally decides to put a bullet through the limbless mans head. Sean walks out of the house like a man who hasn’t a care in the world, lights up a cigarette, and continues on down the street to his home.

Harry Potter.

So I went to the Midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It was overall a good movie, but there were a few things I was uncomfortable with. One being the naked make out scene between Harry and Hermione. Awkward. Like I understand that Ron was seeing it because the Horcrux knew that was one of his biggest fears, but did they really have to be naked? I mean there are youngins in the audience, they don't need to see that. Other then that I suppose it was pretty well done. Oh and Bathilda Bagshot? Creepy as fuck. Now I have to wait 'till fucking JULY for the second part to come out. Diiiiick. Anyways, I'm done making my stupid irrelevant point now.

Creepy things I write.

These are two little story beginings I wrote out of sheer boredom and my need to be creative. I wrote them kind of like a stage direction, rather than story form.

The first one is called The Following.

[A woman is walking quickly through her home, checking to make sure the stove is off, lights are off etc. She picks up her car keys, purse and jacket. She takes another look around her living room just before reaching the door. She gives the foyer one last longing glance, shuts the door and walks to her car, which is packed full of boxes and suitcases. She gets behind the wheel, starts it up and peels out. She drives as fast as she dares down the winding highway and down the coast. A little down the coast we pan to a view of her driving with trees behind and to the right of her. A huge explosion booms from behind her in the distance and we see a mushroom cloud rise up from behind the trees. She looks terrified and presses the accelerator down further. Hours later, we can tell by the sunset, she pulls over along the side of an abandoned looking road, near an equally abandoned looking gas station. She cautiously gets out of her car and goes into the store. She is among the canned food isle when a shadow passes by the window of the store. A soft step from the isle next to her stops her cold. She is not alone in the store. She stays perfectly still, hardly breathing. A terrifying noise emits from behind her. She never had a chance. (Note: In scenes with her outside, or scenes with windows something humanoid should be seen lurking outside, just blurred and a little hard to make out.)]

The second story is called The Storm.

[A storm is raging outside, but inside a large serene farmhouse, a girl is getting ready for bed. Toweling off her wet face and pulling back the sheets of her white cotton bedding. She throws the towel into her hamper and lies down. After reading for a while, she puts the book down and tries to get some sleep. She lies awake for a little longer listening to the storm, the storm that hides the noises of her intruders. A bit later we can see the girl sleeping soundly when lightning flashes and thunder booms. We can see somethings eyes glow in her open closet during that quick flash, lurking. The thunder wakes her with a start, she calls out for a parent, but nobody is home yet. She turns to go back to sleep, and a shadow creeps out of her closet and to her bedside. More shadows from around her bedroom slither to surround the bed. The beds canopy curtains sway as the creatures breathe on them. Lightning flashes again and we see the four creatures hovering inches above the floor in billowing black robes. The girl stirs but quickly finds herself paralyzed due to the shallow raspy breathing of the monsters. She looks up in time to see one of them in the quick flash of lightning. She screams, but they soon become muffled as she is surrounded by the darkness of the creatures.]

These are mediocre at best, I understand, but if Stephanie Meyer can do it, so can I. Yes, I so went there.

Ramble ramble ramble.

I wish I was super good at something. Rather than just being okay at a bunch of different crap. I need some serious guidance as to what I should do for the rest of my life. I like writing, drawing, being creative in general, psychology, cooking, and a few other things, but I'm not really fantastic at any of those things. My mom says she wouldn't like if I was a chef because then I don't get a lot of good heath benifits. Uhg. Whatever. I just wish I knew what to do.

It's like dying.

Nighttime beckons, soft and intriguing.
Breeze whispers through green grass and tall trees.
Moonlight, cold and alluring, peaks through dark clouds.
Immersed in silver, peace finds me.
I slowly fade...